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Separation
Anxiety
 One-year-old
babies are contrary creatures. Some days they scream if you step out of
the room for a minute. On other days they are quite content exploring the
world, leaving you to do your chores uninterrupted. This Jekyll and Hyde
syndrome is the result of the constant push and pull between the child's
awareness of her dependence on her parents and her early bids for independence.
By the time she is one, your baby realises that parents are not mere slaves
who cater to her every whim. They are her safety net, the people who watch
out for her and protect her from the unknown in the big bad world.
Parents have to walk a tightrope
at this stage. They have to maintain a delicate balance between making
sure that the child feels secure, and putting her feet on the road to independence.
Parents tread a fine line
between being overprotective and
unduly harsh. There is no tried and tested formula that can guide parents
in this respect. It differs from parent to parent and child to child. Here
are a few tips to help you
achieve this balance:
Don't sneak out of the house. Your
child may be okay once you've gone, but when you return, she will probably
stick to you like glue, terrified that you will abandon her again. She
will be alert for the slightest indication that you may get up and leave.
This will make her feel insecure. You could sneak out once in a while,
but don't make a habit of disappearing. It's okay if you quietly sneak
out after she's gone off to sleep.
Do not exhibit hesitation or guilt
when you have to go out leaving your child alone at home. Children are
very sensitive and will pick up on your hesitation immediately, making
them feel that their fear is justified.
Take your child with you wherever
you can. Don't worry that she may grow up to be clingy. She will outgrow
this phase once she enters her teens and realises that it's much more fun
to hang out with friends! In
addition, children grow up to be
solitary, introverted and clingy if they are not exposed to many people.
It has been observed that children who are used to being around different
people right from a young age tend to be more independent and outgoing.
Thus children who are brought up with love, care and are showered with
attention from parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts and siblings, grow
up to be confident, friendly and secure.
Play games like Hide and Seek with
your child. Disappear for a few minutes before reappearing. You could keep
lengthening the time of your disappearance.In this manner, your child will
feel that every time you disappear, you will return.
Call your child from outside at
least once. Your child will feel good at having spoken to you.
Some schools of thought are of the
opinion that babies should be placed in their separate rooms as early as
possible, and if they start crying, they should be ignored. This may be
hard, but proponents of this thought argue that in the long run it's best
for your child, as she learns to cope on her own without relying on parental
support. Of course, you can't leave your newborn baby to cry herself to
sleep - your child should be more than a year old before you decide to
harden your heart and take this step. This will teach her to become self-reliant
and independent at a younger age. Well, this may be true. After all,
your baby will not cry forever, and somewhere deep within her conscience
she will learn that she has no one to turn to but herself. But then don't
expect your baby to develop a strong bond with you if you're not there
when she needs you. The best thing to do would be to pick up your baby
and console her whenever you can. There are going to be plenty of times
when you won't be around to hold her and make her feel better (which is
okay - don't feel guilty about not being there to wipe every tear that
falls from her eyes), so on those few occasions when you are around, hold
her tight.
If you want your baby to grow up
into a confident, outgoing person, be there for her. The more you meet
your child's needs now, the more secure she will be in the future.
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