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Dealing with a sexually abused child?
Help your child recover from
sex abuse.
Isha was shell-shocked to know that
the tuition teacher had abused her eight-year-old son. How could that have
gone unnoticed from her caring and watchful eye? "How do I handle this?" "How
will the child live with this memory?"
Most parents react similarly. They
find themselves helpless and unable to cope with the grief caused by a
sex abuse incident. Here
are tips for parents on ways to deal with a sexually abused child.
IMPACT ON YOU
AS A PARENT
The first reaction of the parent
of a sexually abused child is that of outright denial. Parents, who are
secondary victims in any abuse case, tend to deny such an incident. At
a later stage this denial gives way to anger, which they direct at themselves and the
offender. But such overpowering feelings have to be
controlled. Only a composed parent can help an abused child. A parent
has to first accept the reality and then make a very concerted effort not
to feel depressed about it.
BELIEVE IN THE
CHILD
Even if the offender is a trusted
family friend or a close neighbour or a relative, parents should not disbelieve
a child when the latter narrates an experience of sexual abuse. Any doubt
about the integrity of the child will shake the very foundation of your
child's sense of right and wrong. Even if it is found that a child had
given consent to the offender, parents have to empathize with a minor child.
Parents have to extend full-fledged and unconditional support to the child
after the unfortunate incident. Assure and reassure the child that you
will keep the offender and his likes away in the future. Never let the
child develop a deep sense of mistrust.
ALWAYS REMAIN
IN CONTROL
Parents should never betray their
feelings. Children tend to get affected by the vibes. Always look in
control, even if you are shaken from within. A child, especially
a sexually abused one, draws one's energies from supporting parents.
REMOVE THE BURDEN
OF GUILT
Never interrogate the child as to
why he or she was hiding the fact for so long. There is no point in adding
to the child's feeling of guilt. For example, if your son feels depressed
to join his old circle of friends, let him take his time. Tell him that
he is as precious to you as he was before he was abused.
BEHAVE NORMAL
Parents tend to get very overprotective
after the incident. This does not help. Stick to the normal caring
behaviour and do not confuse the child with extraordinary concern. Work towards making the child self-reliant.
HELP THE CHILD
TO EXPESS
Encourage your child to express his
inner feelings, either in creative competitions or elocution.
Discourage your child from brooding too long about it, or by relenlessly discussing it. But he should be given the chance to vent his feelings about the traumatic incident.
GET A PROFESSIONAL
INVOLVED
Your child is bound to experience
certain behavioural difficulties, which only a professional can handle.
Get a professional at the earliest, before the child is derailed. Your
child will also feel reassured that there is another adult to take charge
and help you out in this situation. Professional counseling along with
psychiatric help will also help you to deal with your own trauma.
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