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Are
you a composed parent?
Mental health is the key to successful
parenting and relaxation an achievable goal.
Like children, even parents deserve
mental health. Parental well being depends on the self-image, composure
and confidence of a parent. If you feel good about yourself and like your
life as a parent, you will pass the benefits on to your children.
Following are six principles for assertive and composed parenting. They
are not hard and fast rules, but simple realities to be kept at the very
front of your parenting consciousness. Use them to believe in yourself.
You are the `expert'
with your child
Most people will know how you should
be as a parent. But do not play target to an unending stream of advice,
opinions, criticism. Just pay attention to relevant information from your
mother, other well-meaning relatives and your family doctor. After all,
you know your child better than anyone else, even the doctor.
A relaxed parent
is a better parent
Relaxation brings clarity of thinking
and full enjoyment of your child's childhood. If you are tense and nervous
about your moves, your child is likely to feel the same. For example,
be sure of your choice of your child's diet. Even if someone comments on
your child's thin frame, be confident of your choice of food. Consult a
doctor only if you suspect a major weight loss. More than 90 per cent of
parenting involves common sense. There is no such thing as a ``right ''
or ``wrong'' method. Judge yourself in relation to your child's needs.
Mistakes are as integral to parenting as are children. As you love
the child, you cannot possibly harm the child. So relax and be confident.
Children are more
normal than adults think
Every child is unique in terms of
development, personality, intellect and behaviour. Therefore, much that
is labeled abnormal is actually normal. Parents should not try too
hard to look for too much wrong in their children. Moreover, some abnormality
is bound to exist in every child's life. Expect the unexpected sometimes.
Authority belongs
to parents
Parents and children are no equals.
Children have a right to unconditional love, respect, security and care—but
not authority. In your family, the authority rests solely and unquestioningly
with you. Therefore, do not be too democratic with your children.
Never let them take your statements very lightly.
Discipline is
action, not words
Do not nag, plead, coax, debate,
question or threaten the child while enforcing discipline. Children rarely
pay attention to pure ``talk''. Raising children needs fewer words and
definite action. If you `talk' too much, your actions will not make any
difference.
Responsibility
is your child's, not yours
Parents are made to feel miserable
and ultimately responsible for nearly every problem their young one faces.
Naturally, parents tend to believe that their child rearing skills proved
faulty. But your parenting is not the only influence in your child's life.
Your child's psychological make-up and the world outside also have a tremendous
influence. Therefore, do not blame yourself for everything wrong in your
child's life. Similarly, you need not take the credit for everything favorable
in the child's life. You provide the choices; the child takes the
decisions.
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